dead cool
Gooooood evening, kids an' cantankerous older readers! (Just kiddin'! I'm sure you ain't that grumpy!) Have we got a treat fer you! Ya know how there's that fancy awards ceremony thingie tamorrow? Th' one with the little gold statues an' stuff? Yeah, well not only was I invited ta host it this year (an' why not? I am th' bestest!) but I also stole Doctor Doom's time doohickey fer a few so I could show you all, TONIGHT, what's gonna happen tamorrow. Ain't you lucky?

So, ta see what this amazin' fancy awardsy thing is gonna be like, click right here!! An' enjoy th' show!

Now THAT is ART, BABY.

blow my mind
Gooooood evenin', my fearless fans! And what're we up to this evenin'? Ridin' our manly scooters around town? Havin' enchiladas by th' fire? Spendin' some "quality time" with a hot-as-chili-peppers blonde babe in spurs? (If ya knowwhatimean?)

No? Well TOO BAD FER YOU. But cheer up! Even if yer evenin's more borin' than Tasky after he watches hours'a Ben Stein, Deadpool's here ta rescue ya from complete misery! How? WELL I'LL TELL YA HOW!

By bringin' ya th' second installment'a comics from that dynamically dysfunctional duo, foresthouse an' Marc Vuletich! Remember how a bunch'a you raised yer hands fer another comic last time? Well it worked! Do it again, an' ya might even get a third one. WHO CAN SAY?

And even more excitin': this time, th' comic was featured, along with foresthouse's article Why Ryan Reynolds Must Play Deadpool: A Fan's Perspective, on th' ReelzChannel movie news website! Go foresthouse! *highfive*

So head on over an' read that, ya feebs, an' check out th' comic there too, or, if ya want to, read it right here:

We DO look a lot alike, don' we?Collapse )

Also, check out videos of our very own Marc drawin' an' colorin' YOURS TRULY. It's pretty damned cool!

...

Comin' soon: more awesome madness an' maybe even some question-answerin' up in here!
blow my mind
After months...after years...well ok, after at least a buncha weeks...DEADPOOL'S BACK! That's right, feebs, I been away in th' UK but now I'm back in th' office, and I come over ta this here journal bearin' shiny amazin' gifts th' likes'a which you all NEVER seen before (no really. You never. 'Cause this is a totally new thing. An' YOU get ta see it FIRST). That's right! Deadpool [refers to self in third person, likes long walks in th' armory, now has a penchant fer Jaffa Cakes] has brought you kids a really early Christmas pressie: a COLLABORATION. Between the minds of geniuses (well they think so) - foresthouse an' Marc Vuletich. An' it comes in th' form of: A COMIC (the first a'many, they claim).

So: enjoy!

'It's still topical, we swear! Well it was when we thought it up.' Collapse )

Now, who wants ta see more? Raise yer hand!
mai sai

Hola mes amigos, from the casa de Deadpool! Or...somethin'? Yeah, I never really learned Spanish. Well actually I did, on that one job in Costa Rica, but I think that part'a my brain's re-generamacating right now. So all I can say is: vete a tomar por culo! Which means "good ta see all you feebs again." ...I think. An' it IS good ta see you - 'specially you devoted fans who miss me so much that you comment JUST ta tell me ta come back an' write on this here journal. I love you all, I really do! So this one's fer you, perras! Which a'course means "beautiful people" in th' original Spanish. Ole!


Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part VI: The Superfluous Division (Which smelled really really bad. Oh wait. That was the Flatulous Division. D'oh!)

...

@jadaily says: @Ask_Deadpool You really want Deadpool and Domino in An Affair of the Heart. Or maybe an affair of other parts.

@jadaily I may or may not deny this could possibly be the case in an alternate world somewhere.

@ToughTom says: @Ask_Deadpool That might get messy with that "bullseye" around her eye.

@ToughTom *rimshot*

Hey cool! Now you can rate @Ask_Deadpool over on Comic Blog Elite. Go give me 5 stars` or I'll shoot ya! ;) http://tinyurl.com/yf2bw2v

P.S. Yes, I love attention. YOU ARE SURPRISED BY THIS? #Deadpool

New Entry! My thoughts on my (#Deadpool) current popularity, let me show you them! http://ask-deadpool.livejournal.com/10985.html

RT @lastgeek: @Ask_Deadpool has a point and us comic buyers trying to get everything he is in isn't helping. I'm stilling to the main stuff.

. @lastgeek Heh, thanks, man. I mean, I'm all about people wantin' ta own alla my comics; it's just that it's gettin' SO CROWDED in here!

Aw, shucks. Thanks, dude.
RT @lastgeek: @Agent_M Print this off and pass it around @Marvel: http://ask-deadpool.livejournal.com/10985.html

RT @lastgeek: @Ask_Deadpool As long as you get to sucker punch Osborn in the Siege storyline, all will be good!

. @lastgeek Hey dude, I'll sucker-punch Normie in ANY storyline!

RT @LarrysComics Just coined the term "Deadtrosexual" to describe #comics fans who ONLY read and collect all things Wade. Bunch of them out there

RT @YouTubeDeadpool Fine! I'm Coining "Deadpoholics" @larryscomics. Means the samething, but sounds less gay. Though i'd be down for "LadyDeadtrosexual".

@YouTubeDeadpool I like that. Haha, ya hear that, my faithful fans? You got a special name now!

RT @YouTubeDeadpool . @Ask_Deadpool i think i'm gonna start calling the Deadpool Fans Deadpoholics in my VLOGs.

@YouTubeDeadpool DEADPOOL APPROVES. #FTW

. @YouTubeDeadpool But ya gotta pr'nounce it "Deadp'holics" er it's gonna sound like yer callin' 'em "DeadPOOholics." An' that's just gross.

@handmadelion asks: What is the likelihood that there will be a scene of you reading your own forums in the actual Deadpool solo movie?

@handmadelion Very likely, if I have anythin' ta say about it. An' then there'll be th' scene where I go lookin' fer th' #Deadpool Marb.

@handmadelion Th' legendary #Deadpool marb: http://s3.zetaboards.com/thedeadpoolforum/topic/7278289/2/

@handmadelion An' then the scene where I come back an' shoot th' computer fer tauntin' me with a Marb that apparently doesn't exist.

@handmadelion Ah, who'm I kiddin'? That scene'll only be on the SuperBadassDeluxeMegaMercEdition DVD. As an Easter egg.

@handmadelion Shaped like a Deadpool grenade.

@cutebutpsycho76 asks: Deadpool: Does this outfit make me look fat?

@cutebutpsycho76 Nah, sweet potata, yer lookin' feisty an' fine in those togs. Wanna go out sometime? *wink wink*

@GrimDingo asks: If you get to make your own trailer for your movie, what would you put in it?

@GrimDingo BUCKETS OF EXPLOSIONS. Also, mackin' it with Copycat. B/c HELLZ YEAH, BLUE CHICKS. (Holla, Avatar? OK that was offensive oops.)

@GrimDingo But TRUE NONETHELESS. Blue chicks are so in this season.

@handmadelion asks: Do you like Drowning Pool?

@handmadelion They're ok. Mostly b/c @foresthouse has a Dr. Pool/Jagermeister shirt that is S-E-X-Y. #TRUFAX. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR.

RT @handmadelion @Ask_Deadpool; @KenPlume I just thought you two should know, we're having tacos this evening.

@handmadelion AND YOU ARE SENDING ME SOME, RIGHT, FEEB??

@jadaily asks: Don't you prefer chimichangas over tacos anyway?

@jadaily I accept all Mexican foooooodzzzzz. Although I endorse enchiladas frequently. Enchilada enchilada enchilada.

@MadiRuss What is your favorite winter sport?

@MadiRuss Curling because it is pointless and I enjoy that fact.

RT@jenvargas As a proud Mexican, I must share my love of tamales. Corn wrapped AWESOME is what they are!!

@jenvargas I got no argument with that. I like the Trinidadian kind, too, wrapped in banana leaves. MMMMMMM. Yeah, baby.

@jenvargas Pastelles, that's what they're called. I approve of pastelles, an' all you mooks should, too!

RT @HellRazerHD: @ask_deadpool Chalupa means boat!

@HellrazerHD Does it? Get me a boat fulla chalupas, then!

What up, Feeb Posse? Deadpool is in the hizzzzzzzzouse. Mostly 'cause it's snowin' like it ain't never gonna stop out there.

Even mercs with healin' factors like ta stay in an' keep warm ev'ry now an' then. Also, Bob made Chinese Lantern Hot Cocoa. Mmmmmm.

@gil_garcia asks: hey deadpool, I just bought Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. Why is Zooey Deschannel so damn cute?

@gil_garcia 'Cause she's related to Emily Deschannel, who is S-E-X-Y. Even Agent Booth can't keep away. RrrrOWR.

@HamjamIAm asks: So, when you wanna go to Australia? I'm in! http://bit.ly/blCwwN

@HamjamIAm Awww, but I used to have a widdle wabbit, an' he was so darned cute, I could NEVER...how 'bout Thursday?

RT @gil_garcia (·|·)

@gil_garcia Did you just moon me, dude? Oh, wait. That's my symbol, ain't it? Aaaaanyway.

@MidtheKnight says: Wade love all your comments, and hey how'd you feel having ryan reynolds play you in X-men orgins

@MidtheKnight Thanks, yo! An' I LOVE #RyanReynolds, so that was sweet. Until...you know...THAT THING happened. But I don't blame ol' Ry.

@handmadelion asks: If you were to provide televised commentary to a spectator sport, which sport would it be?

@handmadelion Cross country skiing, but mainly in hopes that @mattfraction would make an appearance: http://tinyurl.com/ydgssmn

@gjrkow asks: do you ever wish you had thought balloons instead of boxes

@gjrkow Heck no! You c'n fit WAY more into a box than a balloon, an' sometimes, y'know, I got A LOT ta say. About th' Golden Girls, an'...

WIN
RT @pandora114 Spiderman eat ur <3 out I have made Deadpool underoos for my 3yo little boy. He asked 4em. http://tweetphoto.com/13745916

RT @VictorGischler Come on, Kidpool. You can't even lift that gun. How do you expect to fire it? VG

@VictorGischler Kidpool would find a way.

Just misread Nine Inch Nails as Nine Irish Nails. Because Dedpool Kan Rede. ANYWAYS. I kinda like th' idea of Nine Irish Nails. Aye!

@krazynate05 asks: whose cooler? Spiderman or Iron Man?

@krazynate05 Spider-man c'n be fun, but he's so UNORIGINAL. Always tryin' ta be cool like me. But Iron Man? He's got repulsor beams! SHINY.

RT @pandora114: @Ask_Deadpool Iron Man. He's a pimp

RT @pandora114: @Ask_Deadpool But not as much of a pimp as Deadpool. >.>

@pandora114 DAMN SKIPPY.

@HamjamIAm says: @Ask_Deadpool Thursday is good. Your C4 or my TNT?

@HamjamIAm Eh, I got a ton'a extra C4 I was just sittin' around moldin' inta mermaid shapes, so let's go fer that.

@gjrkow asks: spider-ham does u think he wrong?

@gjrkow Wrong 'bout what, dude? His fashion sense? Maybe.

@krazynate05 says: just got done beating down captain america as the merc with a mouth!

@krazynate05 Sweet! Now, ta really be like me, tomorrow, go back an' fight side-by-side with him instead. An' then beat him again on Tues.

@HamjamIAm asks: Where's @ask_deadpool when you need him?

@HamjamIAm Hidin' in a crowd with Waldo. CAN YOU FIND ME???

Top 10 Worst Secret Identities: http://laserbrick.blip.tv/file/3238137 Thanks, Lem!

...

An' now, back ta yer regularly scheduled colonoscopy! Until next time, keep 'em tensed an' ready!
Bob (Hail HYDRA!)
H-hey guys! It's me! Bob! Remember me? Your favorite sidekick? I know, I know - I haven't said hi in awhile. It's just that...well...Mr. Wilson, sometimes he doesn't like other people touching his things, and I really, really like all my fingers. Even the little one that's kind of crooked because I broke it when Mr. Wilson stepped on it last year. It was all my fault really. But I do like my fingers. A lot. So I don't want to, you know, lose one? Which might happen if Mr. Wilson sees me typing on his keyboard without asking.

So. Um. Mr. Wilson's not here right now, and I wanted to show you something I just got. I got it in the mail! It was very exciting!! And I knew you'd all want to see it, because you're such big fans of Mr. Wilson, just like me! But it has to be our little secret, ok? I don't think Mr. Wilson would really understand why I paid my hard-earned allowance for..well...a My Little Pony.

But I know you'll understand!

Isn't he the prettiest thing you ever did see? I mean. Um. The most bad-ass? That's totally what I mean! THE MOST BAD-ASS THING YOU EVER DID SEE!Collapse )

Well, I'd better go in case Mr. Wil-- just in case anybody is disturbed by my walking around so late. But everybody have a good night now!!!

It's always April 1 around here!

blow my mind
Hey hey, my frisky fans! So ya know how in comics, time don't really work like it does in...wherever it's not comics-space? Yeah? Yeah. Well, that's how come I c'n declare that it's still th' very first'a April around here, an' therefore that t'day, tomorrow, an' in fact alla way through Sunday this journal is hereby dedicated solely to...

LOLDEADPOOL.

That's right! I wanna see those macros in th' comments ta this entry. The goofier, the better! An' th' best ones may just end up RIGHT HERE.

I'll start 'er off with one from my dedicated fan, addygryff:





I think ya get the idea. Now get goin, feebs! Those macros don' make themselves!
bodyslide by one

OK, so you feebs are gonna die when ya hear this:

I'm in th' supermarket (le supermarchet!) in France, 'cause I got this megamajor cravin' fer some Snackes Au Francais (that's French munchies ta you unedumacated feebs) an' this dude comes up to me all, "Zut alors, mon ami! Etes-vous DEADPOOL?" an' I'm all whippin' out the heavy artillery 'cause ya know, guys comin' up ta me ta ask who I am usually wanna kill me, an' he kinda reminds me a'the guy who's uncle I mighta maybe snuffed a few weeks ago -- an' then he goes, "Mais oui! Je t'adore! J'aime les questions auxquelles vous répondez sur le Twitter!" An' then? He bought me all my snacks. SCORE.

So, random French dude who's name was probably Pierre 'cause ev'ry French person is named Pierre: this one's fer you!


Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part V: The Havartian Decade (When all th' questions were soft an' cheesy, an' all th' answers were delicious. Woo! (This decade has not yet been officially recognized by the International Commission on Stratigraphy, which I totally did not make up.))

...

@lastgeek asks: Is there anything you wouldn't do for money?

@lastgeek Yeah, I wouldn't fry a Smurf w/a magnifying glass (ScarletVulture, WHATUP http://tinyurl.com/ygt9gd8) I'd do that sh*t for FREE.

@bunnnn asks: what can I do to train and kick butt like you do cause im only a small bunny but your really cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

@bunnnn Oldest trick in th' book, wee furry creature: file those l'il teeth a'yers until they're SHARP and POINTY! An' then hide in a cave

RT @bunnnn http://twitpic.com/owj2u - @ask_deadpool is tellin us a story about how he kicked captain america in the nads to get aliens out

RT @bunnnn http://twitpic.com/owuyy - now @ask_deadpool is tellin me how my brass knuckles look like crepes I didnt know how to spell it

@bunnnn Sweet, little vorpal bunny! I like these. :)

@gjrkow asks: that cuz he was not allowed to talk when he was u at the end??? they messed u up big time but maybe they do betta next time

@gjrkow Hellz yeah that's why! Those fools din't know what 2 do w/a good thing. WHERE'S MY LAWYER CALL HER IN HERE Oh hey She-hulk whatup?

@jenvargas asks: What do you think of @NASA?

@jenvargas I've been ta space. It's kinda creepy out there sometimes. @NASA & the astronauts are killer-cool fer going up there alla time.

@jenvargas P.S. Have you heard my new band, @NASA and the Astronauts?

@jenvargas It's me an' Domino, a guitar, a bass, an' a hamster on a wheel. #TRUFAX

@jenvargas P.S. Sometimes Rorschach does guest vocals, but we can't get 'im ta read th' lyrics in full sentences. Crazy little man.

@jenvargas: @Ask_Deadpool That's pretty cool, DP! I'll bet you guys would kick Harry & the Potters' butt in a Battle of the Bands!

@jenvargas Yeah, but I dunno 'bout Draco & the Malfoys. They might emo us ta death.

@I_Tenacious asks: Here's one. Why the hell did Marvel set up another account for you if they/you aren't doing jack with it?

@I_Tenacious WHO TO THE WHAT NOW? Where is this villain of whom you speaketh. Eth.

@I_Tenacious WE MUST ROUST THE IMPOSTOR FROM HIS THRONE OF NOTHINGNESS BEFORE HE BECOMES ENTRENCHED. Also I have a spare grenade.

@I_Tenacious Thanks dude. ...OH COME ON NOW, THIS AIN'T FAIR. If he don't post somethin', how can I reply an' tell 'im ta GET LOST.

@I_Tenacious Hey man, what's th' point'a havin minions if ya can't get'em ta do yer work for ya. EVERYBODY TELL @RealDeadpool I'M TH' BEST

IF HE EVER ACTUALLY POSTS. TELL MARVEL THEY SHOULD JUST HIRE ME TA BE ME FER THEM. I MEAN COME *ON*

GO MINIONS GO! RT @bunnnn @RealDeadpool i like @Ask_Deadpool hes tha best!!!!

@RealDeadpool BEWARE MY MINIONS WITH THEIR SHARP. POINTY. TEETH. (snicker-snack; snicker-snack. @bunnnn will getchya!)

@Jebroney says: id REALLY love it if there was a chance of u teaming up with weasel again...i miss poolboy :(

@Jebroney Ya know, I think we need ta go storm th' writers' lair, 'cause I got a few suggestions as ta my supportin' cast myself!

@ToughTom asks: Why is it all the other Deadpools on twitter are so sorry?

@ToughTom Cause all the other ones are pale copies of xeroxes of mimeographs of tracing-paper drawings of th' REAL me. Which is ME. #TRUFAX

@RedHeartTart asks: Do you think you could take on Freddy Krueger?

@RedHeartTart Psshya, what're ya, kiddin' me? He can't even leave town! You can beat him just by not being afraid! An' I'm not afraid a'him

@gil_garcia asks: have you seen the Proposal yet?

@gil_garcia Yes. #ryanreynolds is SO DREAMY. Jus' like me! That's why he'll be perfect ta play me soon.

@krazynate05 asks: What would @Ask_Deadpool do if a guy kissed your chick on the cheek even if the 2 are friends?

@krazynate05 HAHAHAHAHA show me th' guy who's nuts enough ta do that. MY BABE, DUDES. THAT MEANS BACK OFF. *grenade toss*

@bairdduvessa asks: does that meam you won't get me Sandi's number?

@bairdduvessa Hmm, not sure, dude. Do you have shifty eyes? A tendency ta beat women? If not, I might maybe could consider it. ;)

@bairdduvessa: @ask_deadpool neither.

@bairdduvessa Weeeeellllll, I'll see if she wants ta share. ;)

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: is ryan reynolds as good and cute in the proposal as in wolverine ??

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 CUTER. HE GETS NAKED which I totally didn't watch because I am into women. Only women. Hot women. In conclusion: WOMEN.

@JLopezCostume asks: Deadpool/Transformers Michael Baysplosion Crossover, y/y?

@JLopezCostume Oh HELL no. Michael Bay? *makes warding sign* Who did The Dark Knight CAN I GET THAT PERSON?

@JLopezCostume: @Ask_Deadpool what if Michael Bay explodes too? Someone will pay to see that!

@JLopezCostume Only if Optimus Prime falls on 'im outta the clear blue sky afterwards. 'Cause that'd be kinda funny.

@I_Tenacious asks: Hey, did we ever get rid of that other jerk?

@I_Tenacious Nah, he;s still hangin' around, not sayin' a word. But I don' care. We all know who the REAL "RealDeadpool" is: ME.

@I_Tenacious Actually, I figured out who that feeb is: he's th' version a'me from the FOX movie: aka Not Cool Deadpool.

@I_Tenacious That's why he ain't talkin' - HIS MOUTH'S STILL SEWN SHUT. Hahahahaha.

@BuddhaBBuddhism asks: Ive read just about every deadpool comic (that i know of) But when does he get the other extra voices??

@BuddhaBBuddhism The voices are tellin' me somethin' about some dude named Daniel...Way...and salad tossing...Wolvie? Is that you??

@BuddhaBBuddhism Oh wait. Now th' other voice is sayin' somethin' about tired gimmicks...HEY NOW. Nothin' I do is tired. I RULE.

@fableboyblue asks: so you battling Dr. Doom (via @doomwar) for money or chicks or both? You should eat something before you take him on!

@fableboyblue Eh? That ain't Doom. Doom wouldn't talk 'bout Taylor Swift all the time. ...Wait. Scratch that. Maybe he WOULD.

RT @fableboyblue has to be doom. NAY WAIT ITS LADY GAGA! I was fooled don't let this happen you you kids!

@fableboyblue HEY NOW don't you hate on @ladygaga; she's my kinda crazy. She wore a cape made outta a polar bear AND SET IT ON FIRE.

@fableboyblue: @Ask_Deadpool most definitely not hating on @ladygaga. You have to respect multi-talent.

@fableboyblue Anyway, I think @ladygaga c'n actually SPELL. Plus: POLAR BEAR CAPE. ON FIRE. Yeah, that's right, @Ask_Deadpool's a fan.

@fableboyblue An' women who wear masks alla time. Maybe @ladygaga is secretly a superhero/villainess. HEY IT COULD BE TRUE.

@fableboyblue: @Ask_Deadpool agreed. Akin to Dazzler, only...lots more flash.

@jadaily asks: I'm looking for a career change. What should I do?

@jadaily How 'bout citrus fruit dyer: http://tinyurl.com/yew7vhk Dunno if it's hard work, but ya c'd prob'ly snack some while ya work!

@gjrkow asks: x-force annual was cool cuz u fought dead acolytes, so when u officialy join x-force?

@gjrkow Shhh, don' tell! I'm already a super-secret member. So secret that not a single person knows I joined! Hah!

@HamjamIAm asks: If you had your way, what would you do about school buses?

@HamjamIAm I'd turn 'em inta portable awesomeness on wheels: hot tub school buses, pizza parlor school buses, observatory school buses...

@HamjamIAm moonwalk school buses (they'd be totally safe! *bounce bounce bounce*), armory school buses (fer when ya need a new grenade)...

@HamjamIAm fashion show school buses (shutup I ain't gay; it'd attract hot models!), personal rock show buses (hello, Matthew Good show!)

@HamjamIAm ...OK, now I'm really thinkin' I gotta get some old buses and go ta work on this idea. Thanks, man!

@ToughTom asks: Do you think Longshot could "get lucky" whenever he wanted?

@ToughTom I think he'd have a real good chance at makin' babies if that's what he wanted. Since his aim's so good. Hur hur hur.

@ToughTom Know what I'd love ta see? Longshot vs. Domino in An Affair of the Heart. An' in a fight, too, a'course.


...

Hey! I think...I think that means I'm almost caught up on th' ol' Twitterfeed. Which...ah, damn. Guess I'll hafta start answerin' questions again, eh? Just kiddin', kids. I LOVE YA AN' YER QUESTIONS.

P.S. I heard a rumor t'day that my friend who said he was gonna draw some little pictures fer me drew 'em. Stay tuned!
me &#39;n&#39; my katana
Yeah, yeah, ya just can't wait ta hear what I have ta say about that BRILLIANT question ya sent in back in 2003. But yer gonna hafta wait! 'Cause I never did learn how ta do things in "a timely manner," whatever THAT means. So today, it's all about that fun game we play, called...


Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part IV: The Neoandersonozoic Division (Ah, that time of peace and prosperity when Keanu Reeves ruled the Earth. Remember that? Nah, me neither. Zing!)

...

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who would win in a fight superman or batman ?????????? please me n my sis have been fighting over tis for 2 years.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Superman, unless Batman had him some Kryp-to-NITE, as illustrated in The Best Macro Ever: http://tinyurl.com/kva43v

@aristeia: @Ask_Deadpool Ironic... most people choose Batman winning versus anyone. I hate Supes, but I love that macro like whoa.

@aristeia Yeah, 's kinda hard ta argue against th' GODDAMN BATMAN.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: what happens if you call 1 300 deadpoo http://bit.ly/tTpXL

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 You really do get a t-shirt! Or Taskmaster comes ta yer house and beats ya up. One or th' other. Who can say which it'll be?

@Lachdanan_ asks: Did you go and see the movie District 9? If so, what did you think of it?

@Lachdanan_ Nah, haven't gotten ta see that one yet. Didja like it? Tell me if it's worth a watch!

@gil_garcia asks: why do you have such lame people asking stupid questions?

@gil_garcia Cause I'm like a movie star - they love me SO MUCH, when they get aroun' me they're all flustered an' can't think'a complex stuff

@Kil1ertofu: @Ask_Deadpool We're too intimidated by your awesomeness to ask coherent questions.

@Kil1ertofu SEE I KNEW IT.

@MadiRuss asks: Just curious, why do you point your toes so much when you fight? Is it a ballet thing or are you just naturally graceful?

@MadiRuss Ninjas do that when they ninj so they can poke dudes in the eye while fightin' - An I'm just the ninjaest ninja that ever ninjed

@thnksfrthmmrz asks: if i actually get to ask you questions.... WHO THE FUCK IS RED HULK?

@thnksfrthmmrz All I can say is we're only a coupla issues inta th' story an' I can tell already that it's all gonna end in tears. TEARS.

@thnksfrthmmrz: @Ask_Deadpool tears? well that's unfortunate.

@thnksfrthmmrz Maybe they'll be tears a'laughter. You never know.

@xXBlackVirusXx asks: why do things go missing in the laundry room & was it you that stole my new panties?I just gotem 2

@xXBlackVirusXx I blame the Eater of Socks. As does Terry Pratchett. He's one smart dude. And...well...maybe...Hey, I needed a clean pair!

@smittytang asks: when exactly is hasbro releasing the official deadpool mighty mugg?...I NEED IT,

@smittytang Actually, I dunno, but when they do, c'n someone send me one? I'm broke again. Stupid pirates who steal from other pirates!

@bairdduvessa asks: u are probably sick of this..but what does this merger with Disney mean for you?

@bairdduvessa It means I'm stockpilin' some weapons fer the inevitable moment when I'll haveta go an' TAKE OUT TH' MOUSE. Stupid Disney.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: disney bought marvel .... ????? what does that mean for you ???? im so confused

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Never fear, young padawan, all will become clear shortly. When the Mouse's chalk outline appears in my next storyline.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Either that er a team-up: The Merc w/a Mouth & Mad-Eye Mickey, th' Maddest Mouse in the Midwest: Together, they fight crime!

@rogue_1102 asks: I'm finding it hard to picture the Mouse in your duds....are you a D.D fan? :)

@rogue_1102 Ya know, I'm findin' that hard ta picture, too. Awright, all you artsy types - GET DRAWIN' - I wanna see Deadpool Mickey, NOW!

@Xanapanda asks: So what do you think of Disney buying Marvel, Pooly?

@Xanapanda I think findin' 12 ways ta answer this question is th' best part. Also: if they eff w/my mad skillz I'm gonna CUT A BITCH.

@zareonianwolf asks: Wade! Any news on the movie front?

@zareonianwolf *sniff* No. Haven't heard from my buddy Ry in weeks. Hope he's not too busy BEING GREEN to remember me!

@death_by_avid asks: which Disney character would make the best sidekick for you?

@death_by_avid Hey, that's a good one! Uh - Scrooge McDuck - he's a tough ol' nut AND he's a gazillionaire. I c'd totally use that.

@Xaphnea asks: Hey Wade, you sad the mannequin came to her untimely end so soon?

@Xaphnea It was fun while it lasted. An' the blind broad wasn't so bad either - but she was srsly lacking as an homage to my good buddy Al

@gil_garcia asks: I guess with the recent Disney purchase, is there a possibility I could see you kill Hannah Montana in the movies???

@gil_garcia HEY SIGN ME UP FER THAT CROSSOVER WHUT WHUT. Hellz yeah. Also: The Cheetah Girls.

@Kil1ertofu asks: Boxers, Briefs, or the best game of strip poker ever?

@Kil1ertofu 's that even a choice? Then again, who's playin' poker with me? If it's the Blob, I'll pass!

@Blazefire33 asks: Hi Deadpool, big fan, i just wanted what your favorite podcast about you is?

@Blazefire33 Hey man, ya know, I don't listen ta those much, but I hear yours is pretty good.

@Mark_Currie asks: Your very own Deadpool comic? ...Don't you already have like 10 different comics?

@Mark_Currie Yeah, but *I* ain't writin' any a'those! This one'd be by ME.

@CabaSafado asks: Are you talking to yourself or do you see little yellow boxes, too?

@CabaSafado Th' little boxes told me not ta tell ya. Shhhhh.

@WillMacklinShow asks: Coke or Pepsi?

@WillMacklinShow Chocolate milkshakes with sprinkles, dude. Chili's has got some good ones.

@pandora114 asks: thinking bout getting a tat done of U, where n what should U be sayin? (I'm a chick)

@pandora114 Dunno where, but I vote fer one'a my favorites: "My common sense is tingling." A la this pic: http://tinyurl.com/ygq429e

@freaks173 asks: What are you going as for Halloween this year?

@freaks173 Seein' as Tasky already dressed up as me, I figured I'd return th' favor. Then I'll hit on all the gals fer him. Score!

@ToughTom asks: Why are you my all time hero?

@ToughTom 'Cause of that thing I can do with two socks and a falafel. And a spatula.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who is Blind Al??

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Th' lore a'the common folk says she was my prisoner/den mother/whosiwhatsit, but I say mostly she was a pain in my ass!

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I miss that crazy ol' woman. Maybe I'll sneak inta her room while she's sleepin' an visit. Hey, it works fer vampires!

@M1A1DA asks: What hotel should I stay at in Las Vegas?

@M1A1DA The Bellagio, dude. YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH DANCIN' FOUNTAINS. ...That sounded totally gay, didn't it?

@RelayHuntersCrk asks: what do you think we can do, as non-superheroes, to help obliterate cancer?

@RelayHuntersCrk 'S a tough one. Well fer one thing, I guess we c'n give more money ta the scientist-dudes. I'll donate my last haul!

@RelayHuntersCrk An' then maybe we c'n throw all the tobacco companies inta the ocean, yeah? Hm.

@RelayHuntersCrk An' tell people ta eat better: http://bit.ly/1zLMH8

@RelayHuntersCrk I'd go visit th' kids at th' hospitals and try ta cheer 'em up, but I think it might scare 'em more...

@RelayHuntersCrk I'm such a nice mercenary, ain't I? Don' tell anyone, though, k? I got my rep ta think of!

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: should i put you on my superheros list or should i make a anihero list???

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Mercenaries got their own list, babe! It'd be too confusin' allus having ta switch us from the "heroes" ta "villains" list.

@pandora114 asks: Question, if you were to get it on with Lady Deadpool, would that be incest or masturbation? or what?

@pandora114 Ya know what it'd be? A WHOLE LOTTA FUN, that's what. But I think @robertliefeld may already have called dibs. SADFACE. D:

@bairdduvessa asks: can u give me some money so i can start my life over AND get an Outlaw tattoo?

@bairdduvessa Abso-freakin-lutely, dude! Send me your bank account info an' passwords an' all, an' I will deposit some cash toot sweet!

@bairdduvessa: @ask_deadpool sure all my bank passwords are alex>wade :P

@bairdduvessa WHATEVER, FEEB.


...

An' now, back ta my regularly scheduled infomercial-watching. Catch ya on the flip side, my freaky friends!
dead cool
Ooh, another post'a questions I already answered on that thing they call Twitter. I'm so lazy, it's nearly unbelievable! 'Cept I know you'll b'lieve just about anything of me. Like you'll b'lieve I'm gonna answer yer questions in my next post. SWEAR.

But fer now, it's time fer...


Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part III: The Achean Eon (That time when I said painfully ridiculous things in answer ta yer questions. Wait...that mighta been every eon. Whatever.)

...

@omgzombieswtf asks: Who's the better current writer of you: Daniel Way or Mike Benson? Both brilliant bastards!

@omgzombieswtf I gotta say BENSON. Danny boy's ok, but I'll never fergive him fer Pool-o-vision. My brain's a LOT more crazy than THAT.

@ConanSlew asks: Oye Deadpool! Sabes hablar español?

@ConanSlew (& this goes fer all y'all from foreign parts) Wish I did, but th' part'a my brain that knows 50 languages is still regeneratin'.

@Jinxrave asks: Pirates or Ninjas? You can only choose one!

@Jinxrave Pirates, a'course. I'M a ninja, so I got no use fer more a'them around here. But I love guys who go, "Yaaarrrrrr" at everythin'.

@prescribeddrone asks: Do chongas like chimichangas?

@prescribeddrone Damned if I know - maybe ya should head down ta Miami an' ask one.

@ToughTom asks: Whats your advice for training a zombie head of yourself?

@ToughTom Ya know, I'd start with LOTSA practice biting and headbutting. I mean, my zombie head rocks, but it's got a kinda small skillset

@ToughTom We're workin' on our own "fastball special," though - an' ours is WAY better than the original.

@PissOnYouBitch asks: hey i got a question. what would have you thought of bruce campbell playing you in a movie back when he was younger

@PissOnYouBitch Bruce Campbell is a BAMF, so sure. Only thing I'd worry 'bout is his tendency ta kill zombies. I like my zombie head!

@EXISTunicornsDO asks: Zombies or vampires?

@EXISTunicornsDO ZOMBIES Gotta stick with fam'ly, right? My zombie head rocks OK, now who's gonna ask me 'bout ninja zombie pirate robots?

@HellrazerHD is confused: He says: Now I've seen everything ... someone posing as the red and black attack on twitter.

@HellrazerHD No posin' here, man. I'm the real deal. I got the scars ta prove it.

@HellrazerHD: @ask_deadpool good because the last guy I met dressed as deadpool was about 400 pounds and couldn't speak a lick of english. makes u wonder

@HellrazerHD Wonder no more, my friend. Anyway, that was just Agent X messin' with ya. He stole my *stretchy* uniform from Heroes Reborn.

@Mark_Currie asks: Ninja zombies or Pirate robots? Or Ninja robots? Or Pirate zombies?

@Mark_Currie Radioactive Teenage Samurai Robot Wombats, a'course!

@jamesdavidW asks: what happens when someone cuts off your head??? with a chainsaw

@jamesdavidW It smarts a little. 'Specially after Bob puts my head back on my neck an' it's becomin' attached ta me all over again.

@mrsmulwray asks: So, Deadpool, what are you going to get me for my birthday?

@mrsmulwray Go clubbin' an' I'll take out a contract hit on ya. But the nice kind. Where all the guys hit on ya all night. You'll love it!

@skeletontrees asks: so where are you taking me for our birthday on july 7? :D

@skeletontrees Abraham Lincoln on a pogo stick, I forgot it's our birthday in a few days! Uh, I gotta rappel down a mountain fer work.

@skeletontrees An' then shoot somebody. Don't ask. Wanna come? We can totally get chinese after the dude is dead.

@EXISTunicornsDO asks: Do you believe is unicorns??

@EXISTunicornsDO Nah, but I do believe in pictsies. Nasty little buggers! But handy in a fight!

@PissOnYouBitch asks: did you read your new series yet i picked it up today very nice by the way

@PissOnYouBitch What, you think I got time ta read all that - I gotta get my rockets ready fer tonight. BIG BOOM, BABY.

@CrazyInez asks: Hey Wade I gotta question for ya When ya pay me back for wreckin' my apartment, are ya gonna throw in some diamond spurs?

@CrazyInez I was thinkin' a'somethin' a little more...intimate, baby. *wink wink*

@Xanapanda asks: Just out of curiosity how much would it cost me to have you take out someone?

@Xanapanda First rule'a merc werc is I don't talk bout how much I charge fer merc werc on here. But we could conduct a private negotiation

@Xanapanda: @Ask_Deadpool Oh sorry. I'll keep that in mind from now on! Don't want you to hurt me the next time. ^^; So where shall it take place then?

@Xanapanda Ever been ta Manhattan? There's a handy abandoned warehouse we could chat in...

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: hey any news on deadpool movie havent looked in in a long time

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Here's th' latest: http://bit.ly/bhrbR

@miss_risible asks: So we're wondering how RR will portray you, but what would YOU do if your boss [WHO U HATE(!!!)] proposed to YOU?!

@miss_risible Well I'm kinda freelance, but I think I'd fall on my ass if like, Nick Fury or Cable proposed ta me after hirin' me...

@HellrazerHD asks: So is poolman a Mortal Kombat fan?

@HellrazerHD Well I WAS, until this whole Weapon XI thing...now I ain't so sure. I guess I should blame FOX, not Mortal Kombat.

@Mark_Currie says: @Ask_Deadpool DC have stolen Ryan Reynolds away from us! You could kick Green Lantern's cosmic butt any day.

@Mark_Currie Don't I know it! I just hope #ryanreynolds is going to do BOTH. If he throws me over fer GL, we may be DONE, professionally.

@gil_garcia asks: is it just me or do you feel a little betrayed by Ryan Reynolds over his hiring as the Green Lantern?

@gil_garcia Weeeellll, I'm waitin' ta see what #ryanreynolds says about it, ya know? If he'll still play me too, it's all good.

@NaTeSaUcE asks: yo wade! whats up? who'd be the last guy standing after a bar fight with you and wolvie? ya both gots the healin' factors!

@NaTeSaUcE Ain't gonna lie & say it'd be an easy fight, but I do have one thing Wolvie don't have: a teleporter. Gives me th' edge. So: ME

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: how do you feel about renolds playing green lantern ????

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I'm gonna be happy fer him unless it hurts MY movie - then I'ma gonna be PISSED. Anyway, #ryanreynolds looks good in green.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 It brings out the seriousness in his eyes.

@Lachdanan_ asks: Who would win in a fight? Wolverine? or Darth Vader?

@Lachdanan_ Wolvie's got the healing, but Vader's got the Force. It'd be a standoff: Vader'd just create a Force field to keep Wolvie away

@YouTubeDeadpool: @Ask_Deadpool Yeah. Vader all the way. Force choke him to the nearest Airlock.

@YouTubeDeadpool A'course, if the question was ME vs. Vader, def. it'd be ME. But I can't tell ya how I'd beat 'im, or I'd hafta kill ya!

@feildmouse asks: why is the Suicide Kings mini so lame compared to all of your other books?

@feildmouse 'Cause it's not really me; it's Tasky. Sh. Actually, I didn't even read it yet. I'll get back ta ya on how he screwed up later

@zareonianwolf asks: Hey Wade! Besides Ryan Reynolds, who do you think would do justice to you on the big screen?

@zareonianwolf Ya know, at this point, I don't think I can think'a anybody else bein' me...damn. #ryanreynolds better be able ta do it!

@fullofwhoa asks: Dear Deadpool, I do not actually own any of your comics. Where should I start?

@fullofwhoa We here at the Agency consider anything written by Joe Kelly, Fabian Nicieza, or Gail Simone to be Word of God.

@fullofwhoa So I'd try out Deadpool (1997) 1-33, Deadpool (1997) 65-69 and Agent X 1-15, Cable & Deadpool (2006) 1-50. But any are good.

@Blazefire33 asks: Yo Wade, what do you think of that podcast dedicated to you?

@Blazefire33 I think fans dedicating stuff ta me is freakin' fantastic. Chimichanga!

@Mark_Currie asks: Hey Wade, I was wondering... what should I ask you?

@Mark_Currie Do I gotta do ALL the work aroun' here? Heh. I dunno, ask me how behind I am on answering everyone's questions. Answer: A LOT

@Mark_Currie But I swear I'm workin' on it! In between the slicin' an' dicin', ya know.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: hey any new updates on movie ?!?!?!?!?

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 No. *sniff* Has #ryanreynolds forgotten me because he likes green better? ...NAH. I'm sure he'll come through. HE'D BETTER.

RT @foresthouse DEADPOOL IN MAGNET WARS! Mwahaha! http://bit.ly/14WJMk

@Lachdanan_ asks: How come I can't find your comics at my local convince store I work at?

@Lachdanan_ 'Cause Comic Book Guy *personally* threatened Apu Nahasapeemapetilon and ALL 'is kind if they ever honed in on his territory

@Lachdanan_ #TRUFAX

@zareonianwolf asks: hey Wade! If you fought the Green Lantern, who'd win?

@zareonianwolf Depends, ya know? We talkin' in th' movies? 'Cause that'd be just kinda existential an' crap, me fightin' myself...

@zareonianwolf But in th' comics, ME, a'course. Even need ta ask? An' he'd be damnin' a lot more'n my lemonade http://tinyurl.com/mwf92d

@xXBlackVirusXx asks: HEY DEADPOOL!I just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a jawbreaker? forget tootsiepops!

@xXBlackVirusXx No freakin' clue. But ya know I built a sweet-ass gun when I was a li'l tyke, shot those things out like nobody's biz

@xXBlackVirusXx I mean, those things'r HARD. They make 'em outta 100 year old chewing gum'r somethin'

@xXBlackVirusXx Ya know, th' kind ya find on th' bottom'a th' seat at the movies? LIKE A ROCK.

@gil_garcia asks: will you be playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 when it releases next month, since you are in the game?

@gil_garcia Ya kiddin'? HELLS YEAH. Game me looks SWEET. ...Oh, 'cept I gotta wait til I score another gig ta get it. Money's kinda tight.

@gil_garcia I mean, guess I c'd heist it on outta th' store...but I don't usually steal stuff unless I'm gettin' paid. Or it's fun. Or...


...

Whew! Well that was a lotta typin' I didn't actually just do. Tune in next time, fer Wolverine's special guest appearance on the ol' blog!*

* Wolverine not actually appearing.

Our Number One Fan on a Podcast!

Sandi!
Hey, fans of our fearless leader! (Um, that's Mr. Wilson. In case that wasn't clear). News from Mr. Wilson is that he's "totally comin' back from my nex' job an' answerin' some questions, real soon, I swear on Tasky's stupid skully mask thingie!"

But while you're waiting, we thought you might like to know that our Number One Fan (foresthouse) was on a geek-stuff-related podcast (Made of Fail) in the last week or so, and it's now up for download on iTunes and the podcast's main LJ community. True, foresthouse isn't anywhere near as cool as DEADPOOL, but she *does* help us out around here sometimes, and there's mention of Ask Deadpool on the podcast, so you might be interested in giving it a listen. (Other topics include literature, particularly Discworld and Terry Pratchett's Unseen Academicals.)

Here's the link!

Go download it, and we promise we'll stop talking about foresthouse and put Bob back on here to answer questions and share recipes. Maybe.

See you all around!

♥ Sandi ♥

P.S. Bonus! Hidden Deadpool wallpaper that appears to be NOT on the official Marvel.com Deadpool wallpaper search. See? We are totally on topic around here!

Pym-Particle-Sized Disclaimer of Giant-Man-Sized Importance:

Sandi says I gotta tell you feebs that "characters in this journal are based on characters from Deadpool, Cable & Deadpool, Agent X, and other Marvel comics. The writing here does not reflect the characterizations or opinions of any Marvel writers or creators. All characters and situations other than those original to this journal are the property of Marvel or any other respective copyright owners. This journal is written solely for fun, not profit, and mainly because someone suggested it be done one day and I said, "Hey, why not?" If anyone ever has a legal problem with the content or existence of this journal, you know where to find me and what to do. Cheers to all; now let's go have a beer!"
...Well, ok, maybe she didn't tell me to say that last part. Whatever.



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